As a matter of fact Arri (if I may call you that :-) ), you made the underlying point for I and Slim thug (inadvertently) which is respect. What I noticed when I re-read his article was he himself had already offered an interesting insight into the problem of black r/ships which was attitude.

Notice his first sentence: “The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking”

This was key. I think the major problem he faced was he couldn’t elucidate this underlying issue – RESPECT. Which you brought up so eloquently. It is the main crux of the matter here. The fact that black men lack respect for black women and vice versa is the real problem.

Once we respect each other many of the name-calling and mud-slinging will cease. Respect must be given and earned..because if I respect you I will hold you in high regard, I will more than likely choose not to cheat on you if given an opportunity nor even put myself in that position to do so, if I respected you I wouldn’t call you choice names, if I respected you I’d listen to you and I believe this was what Slim Thug was trying to say in his own terms of “black women need to stand by their man more” meaning black women need to respect their man esp. when he has earned that respect by his behavior, his focus and his vision.

@Ann: I honestly think what Slim was trying to say was that some black women or maybe most since we’re generalizing here is that expectations of what they want in a man are unrealistic for starters and secondly, what they’re demanding in and out of men they themselves are not offering anything similar or bringing that much substance which they’re requiring to the table either. Like you said, its got to be even and square, fair is fair. If you’re demanding for instance that I be the breadwinner of our home, then by golly you can’t sit there and tell me you don’t want to take care of said home..it won’t work.

I recognize my failure to address the entirety of the interview, within its context- the culture of masculinity in hip hop, and how femininity is understood.

I’d still say that how Black women identify themselves plays a big part in how they relate to Black men. Yes, our identities and relationships are broken. I’ve heard Black women talking about how they don’t “need” a man. What you say usually has some truth to it, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women who talk negatively about the men in their lives likely talk negatively about themselves- or even- their self-worth is built upon the precarious notion that they are “better” than someone else. On the same token, I’ve heard Black men list the inadequacies of Black women while being willfully blind to their faults. No one is perfect.

Either way, it’s a fractured idenitity that shows itself in fractured relationships.

I agree that women (regardless of race) should value men, affirming them and respecting them. This is conditional, of course. The ideal state would be a reciprocal, respectful and loving relationship where both parties are respected, affirmed and loved in the manners that the require. I’m not saying that when one person fails to fully respect the other that the other has the right to be disrespectful back- no, that’s how we got here in the first place.

I grew up in a home where I heard “men are dogs.” This was reified in my relationships early on- my uncle molested me, I was assaulted at school… etc etc etc. I truly began to believe that all men are dogs. It took me 9 years to let go of that, and I’m still working on that. I have to work to respect the men in my life. This is why in my other writings, I emphasise the protection of our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, etc- especially on the part of men. This is not an unreasonable request. Women and girls have a right to bodily safety, and they deserve the protection of male family figures from predators. The failure of our men to protect our daughters contributes to this distrust of men among Black women. This is in addition to uncritical acceptance of misogyny in hip hop music/culture among Black men.

…

And yes, since my other blogs focus on race, I gravitated to that one particular passage, and before I knew it, I was at 1400 words.

Thank you for reading and commenting!

If Slim Thug wanted to talk about relationships, he should have spoken about relationships. You know: how it takes two to tango, how black men are at fault, how black women are at fault, how black men can do better, how black women can do better.

But he didn’t. He said two things which put it all into perspective for me.

“Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less.”

And why should Black women settle? Because, as Slim Thug says, “We’re [Black men] important.”

Which implies that Black men are more important than the running around of Black women. According to Slim Thug. And most of the relationships between Black men and women today.

I have no problem/issue with how Black women choose to define themselves. However Slim Thug’s underlying message had little to do with black female identification and moreso to do with interactions within black relationships..and this is the underlying point.

Granted, his mention of his girlfriend’s ethnicity as what makes her behave properly within his context of a r/ship was really unecessary and quite ignorant but it still didn’t blind my eyes to the point he was trying to make which is that there’s something wrong with the way black men and women relate to each other and this causes problems in our romantic r/ships.

This is the point that many women who are “outraged” are missing. Also, the whole “Slim thug is irrelevant” schtick needs to be dropped. If he was irrelevant he wouldn’t have been discussed as heavily for one. Two, if this were more about what kind of music he made then artists such as Talib Kweli and Common should be richer than Jay-Z by now.